


You've been in the sun and I've been in the rain

by Luonnotar



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 09:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luonnotar/pseuds/Luonnotar
Summary: Zhangjing leaves Yanjun behind, again and again, and it hurts just as much every time.





	You've been in the sun and I've been in the rain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rainingover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingover/gifts).



> This is my first time posting a fic, and English is not my first (nor second) language so I hope whoever reads this shows some leniency! 
> 
> Any sort of feedback is welcome, especially constructive criticism.
> 
> Title is from Dire Straits - So Far Away

“You should get going.” 

Zhangjing startled and checked the time on one of the airport’s boards. “There’s still some time before boarding starts,” he said. He tried to stop the dread churning in his stomach from taking over. 

Yanjun shook his head. “Yes, but the line to security isn't getting any shorter and it's a bit of a walk to your gate.” He then added with a mischievous grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “also this is costing me a fortune in airport parking fees.” He didn’t move to stand from the bench they were sitting on or to untangle their hands, though.

“Fine, I'll spare your bank account,” said Zhangjing, getting on his feet and and pulling Yanjun up in the process. He knew Yanjun didn’t care as much about money as he did about defusing tension. “Anyway I don't want a repeat of last time when they called my name twice while I was running to make it before boarding closed.” He hadn't particularly enjoyed the dirty looks some other passengers had given him for the slight delay. But tearing himself away from Yanjun was always going to be a struggle, no matter how often they'd been doing this.

Yanjun let go of his hand and draped his arm over Zhangjing’s shoulder as they headed towards the security check area and stood just a few feet away from the automatic gate, out of the way of travelers going in. Their special goodbye spot. Zhangjing thought that he should be experiencing déjà-vu at this point, with how many times they have stood right here, holding on tight to one another, kissing and trying to ignore each other’s tears. Sometimes there were other couples around them, saying goodbye, but no other couples quite like them. 

“No sadness, ok?” came Yanjun’s voice, shaking a little. It was a phrase they’d throw at each other on their “goodbye days,” usually when one of them felt on the verge of breaking down. Yanjun’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears but he tried to maintain an air of nonchalance. Zhangjing scoffed and punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Speak for yourself, Lin Yanjun,” he said, but the effect was ruined when he buried his face in Yanjun’s chest to cry softly. His boyfriend held him in silence while running a hand up and down his back. 

After a short while he tore himself from Yanjun’s arms and grabbed his carry-on, trying to regain some composure. “I’ll call you when I’m on the plane,” he said, tilting his head up for a kiss. Yanjun leaned down and pressed his lips to Zhangjing’s for a little longer than warranted for such a chaste kiss. He then pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed, and murmured, “I’ll wait in the car.”

Zhangjing nodded and squeezed Yanjun's hand before turning away. He didn’t look back. He never did. It hurt too much. He just imagined Yanjun staring at his receding back while he ran his boarding pass on the scanner and walked through the gate to stand in line. 

It had become a habit for him to answer security-related questions with tears streaming down his cheeks. He’d learned to ignore worried and sympathetic stares and just focus on trying to keep his emotions in check. He’s got this. He’ll get over it in a moment. He can do this. For his sake and Yanjun’s. 

At the end of Zhangjing's senior year, which he had spent as an exchange student at National Taipei University, he hadn't expected to go back home to Malaysia with a string tying him back to Taiwan, bearing the name of Lin Yanjun. His relationship with the junior who lived across the hall from his dorm room had started out as this casual thing, born out of drunken hookups at college parties and caffeine-fueled all-nighters in the library during midterms season.

He suspected he might be in over his head one early morning, after a night of heavy drinking in which Yanjun had insisted he'd sleep in Zhangjing's room when he could have just gone to his own. "I don't want to leave you alone, you're too drunk," slurred Yanjun while swaying on his feet. Zhangjing just laughed and helped him to his own bed. He sat on the floor while Yanjun made himself comfortable enough to fall in a deep slumber, and just started at him while the world slowly grew lighter. The rising sun reflected off Yanjun's dark blue hair. A line of drool trickled from his open mouth to Zhangjing's pillowcase. He snored a little. Zhangjing had never seen anyone quite so beautiful, he was sure of that.

He hadn't planned to do anything with those feelings he was trying to process. He was going back home in a few weeks. With his degree in his pocket, he was going to help his parents with their business. That had always been the plan. He couldn’t just stay in Taipei and explore this... thing. It was probably one-sided anyway. Yanjun couldn't be genuinely interested. Zhangjing was convenient while he was right there, across the hallway. This could just become a nice memory. Zhangjing could learn to live with the memories.

A week after graduation, three days before Zhangjing's one-way flight to Kuala Lumpur, Yanjun showed up on his doorstep, kissed him and casually asked, "What’s the plan for us, then?" Zhangjing was too confused to respond for a while. He just stared at the boy in front of him, then figured he should say something. "What do you suggest? Are you into long-distance relationships? " He rolled his eyes to better express what he thought of the idea.

"No, but for you I could be persuaded," said Yanjun with a grin. In the end it had been Yanjun who did most of the persuasion. He seemed to have it all figured out: they would keep in touch, be exclusive, and Zhangjing would visit whenever he could. "Taiwan is a nicer place for people like us anyway," was Yanjun's argument. Zhangjing suspected his fear of flying was the more plausible reason. It seemed like a crazy idea to him (and still did sometimes, to this day) but he had to admit he was too desperate not to lose Yanjun to seriously consider the alternative. 

And this was how You Zhangjing had spent the last four years of his life: working with his parents, making money on the side with the odd tutoring gig, hanging out with his friends, and saving his vacation days for trips to Taiwan that needed to be planned well in advance to match his and Yanjun's respective schedules. His boyfriend had started working at an engineering firm not long after graduating, and sometimes he had to be reminded to eat and sleep when project deadlines loomed ahead, but he always made time for them.

Zhangjing fastened his seatbelt and settled as comfortably as possible in his aisle seat before taking out his phone and hitting the call button under Yanjun's name.

"You made it," came his boyfriend's voice. "Is there anyone in the middle seat?"

"No, and no one in the window seat either. Boarding is completed, too. This is heaven," said Zhangjing with a small giggle. He was going to be miserable during the almost five-hour flight to Kuala Lumpur, but it didn't hurt that he'd spend it in relative peace and comfort.

They exchanged small talk in a an effort to keep the mood light, but the closer they got to take-off the harder it became for Zhangjing to keep track of the conversation. He felt like his heart was in his throat.

Then Yanjun's voice seemed to call him back to reality. "You can do this. Three months will go by in a blur. We've gone much longer than that." He always seemed to find the words that helped Zhangjing keep it together.

"I know. I have to go, we're about to take off. I love you." Zhangjing tried to keep the tears off his voice. Maybe it worked.

"Love you too babe. Be safe." Yanjun always said that, and Zhangjing never bothered pointing out that there was nothing he could do on a flight that would make him safer than the rest of the passengers. It was the sweet thought that counted.

Yanjun was nothing if not sweet. It wasn't obvious to people who didn't know him well but Zhangjing had yet to meet anyone as caring as his boyfriend. He tried to be subtle about it but he would always place Zhangjing's needs and wants above his own.

The first time he'd had to fly back to Malaysia after his first visit to Yanjun had been particularly painful. They'd had a full week of doing nothing but enjoy each other's company after being apart for months. It was pure domestic bliss of which the highlights were grocery shopping and cooking together, sleeping in and staying up late watching movies or just lying in bed talking for hours. Zhangjing thought his heart was quite literally breaking when they parted. He'd cried for most of the flight, and for the whole following day. Going back to his everyday life had proven to be a challenge. Interacting with people felt like a chore. Even talking to Yanjun left him feeling hollow. It had taken him some time to get back into the swing of things, but once he'd booked his next flight to Taipei it got easier. He had that to look forward to. That's how the cycle really began.

Still, it seemed so strange to him that the pain of parting never seemed to decrease no matter how many times they'd been doing this. 

By the time he arrived home his parents and sister were already fast asleep. He felt relieved, not that he hadn't missed them after two weeks spent in Taipei, but he was too exhausted and heartsick for any kind of human interaction. He showered quickly and laid in bed, too tired to even consider unpacking. But not too tired to call his boyfriend.

“Welcome home,” came Yanjun’s voice, clear and alert despite the late hour. “How are you feeling?"

“Exhausted,” said Zhangjing. He didn't add miserable and lonely but he was certain Yanjun could hear that in his voice. “Why are you still up?”

He heard a muffled noise, probably Yanjun suppressing a yawn. "I'm not sleepy."

Zhangjing thought he understood. It felt odd being in his own bed, alone. He'd grown so used to Yanjun's warmth next to him, to his weight dipping the mattress slightly to his side, to their skin touching. They were not cuddlers. Both of them liked having their own space when sleeping, but after kissing goodnight and turning away, they always kept physical contact. A foot, a hand, a finger. Any type of touch would do. Not having that was weird. It usually took him a couple of nights to get over that feeling of abnormality. He imagined it was worse for Yanjun, though, who was always the one left behind in an empty apartment. Zhangjing felt tears filling his eyes and his throat closing up, and tried to suppress the sadness before it overwhelmed him. He knew Yanjun didn’t want him to feel sorry for him. "Stop lying and go to sleep. You haven't taken tomorrow off like I told you to, so you'll have to be up in..." He checked his watch, "Four hours!"

Yanjun chuckled. "I'll survive. I've done worse. Remember finals week in junior year? I slept for six hours total in three days and still came out on top."

Zhangjing remembered. "Yes, and I had to nurse you back to health for a week after you crashed." A fond smile found its way to his lips. "I wonder how you even manage without me. You're terrible at taking care of yourself."

"Yes. That's why I need you here with me." A silence, then Yajun said, a little quieter, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just miss you so much and it's barely been seven hours since you were here but it feels like months already..." He took a deep breath then added, "Don't mind me. We said no sadness."

"It's okay, you should tell me things like that. I'm not made of glass." Zhangjing did feel bad. Perhaps it was irrational, but he couldn't help himself. It probably came with being the one who leaves. "I miss you too. And I'm sorry."

"You Zhangjing, don't apologize. We'll figure things out, yeah?" Yanjun was always quick to recover from those "emotional outbursts" as he called them. He always felt that he needed to be strong for both of them, which was ridiculous, but Zhangjing let him have the illusion.

"Go to sleep Yanjun. It doesn't look good to call in sick on the day you're supposed to be back from vacation. We'll talk tomorrow on your lunch break, alright?"

"Fine. You go to sleep too. Don't ruin that pretty face of yours with dark eyebags." A pause. "Good night Zhangjing. Love you"

"Love you too." Zhangjing quickly hung up before Yanjun can hear his sobs. He buried his face in his pillow and cried until sleep took him. Just as usual.


End file.
